Episode #113: Why It Feels Hard To Truly Receive Support

Most of us are conditioned not to receive the support that we need, but as quietly ambitious business owners we deserve to be supported on this journey. Let’s talk about what we need to unlearn in order for that to happen.

Listen to the Episode:

Or click here to read the automated transcript

Most of us are conditioned not to receive the support that we need. But as quietly ambitious business owners, we deserve to be supported on this journey. So let's talk about what we need to unlearn. In order for that to happen. You're listening to quietly ambitious with conversations about how it really feels to build a business that honours your whole self unapologetically. And that includes who you are, how you feel, what you really desire, the impact that you want to create, and importantly, the money you want to make. I'm your host, Ruth Poundwhite. And my superpower is supporting sensitive and ambitious humans to make more money by fully expressing and owning all of who they are. Let's dive in. Hi, and welcome back to another episode of The quietly ambitious podcast. So I'm doing something a little bit different in today's episode, and I'm about to share with you an excerpt from my book, quietly ambitious, the book is available in paperback and on Kindle format, on Amazon worldwide, I actually have some nice bonuses for you. If you go to Ruth poundwhite.com forward slash book, you purchase the book in the normal way from Amazon and you let me know your auto receipt, you are going to get a bonus bundle. Now it's a pretty juicy bundle if I do say so myself. It comes with a basically a supporting Resource Library, which includes guides workbooks, exercises, visualisation journal prompts, affirmations to really support you in integrating what it is that you are going to read in the quite the ambitious book. And of course, you get the book itself too, which I really hope that you will enjoy. Now, at the time of releasing this episode, the book is discounted by a few pounds or a few dollars. If you're listening to it after the 12th of August and the price has gone up, don't worry, it's still absolutely worth it. It's not a big investment. It's a book. But I really hope that you enjoy it. I want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me on this, you know, stretchy journey of putting my book out there is definitely tested me in certain ways. But it means so much to me to see the reviews coming in to read the feedback. Honestly, I'm so so grateful. And if you have already read the book, I would be really grateful if you could go to Amazon and leave a review for it on your local Amazon website. Anyway, what I'm about to read for you today is a an excerpt from chapter 10, about allowing yourself support. And specifically in this excerpt the reasons why being supported doesn't always come naturally. Now in the full book, I do share the different ways in which I am supported in my life and business. So you're just gonna have to, you're just gonna have to buy the book and read it if you want to find out more about that. But yeah, I hope that this shed some light on why something as simple as support can actually be quite hard for us. And I hope it encourages encourages you to claim the support that you need because you're absolutely worthy and deserving of being supported on this rollercoaster of a journey that is running an online business. So enjoy. Chapter 10 Are you allowing yourself support? If we want to change the world, we need change agents to know how to receive care. Emily and Amelia Nico ski burnout.

Being quietly ambitious is about who you allow yourself to be and what you allow yourself to do. But it's also about being massively supported and learning to ask for and accept that support in the first place. As simple as it may sound, the reality is that being supported was a huge journey for me, one that has been fundamental to my success as a business owner, and how I feel in my life. Three reasons why being supported doesn't always come naturally. It's not easy to ask for help. It's not easy to prioritise your feelings, your energy, your time, your joy, and there are very real reasons for it. Reason number one conditioning. In their book burnout, Emily and Amelia Nikolsky describe human giver syndrome as the belief that you have a moral obligation to give everything of yourself to support other people. This is very common, but not exclusive to women. After all society associates womanhood and motherhood with caring and nurturing others, being highly attuned to the needs of others, taking care of the emotional and household labour in the family and juggling it all alongside looking great and going to work. We all know women who just can't sit down maybe that woman is you. And is it any wonder when this is the message we have all grown up with? And doesn't it make sense that we might find it hard to even recognise where we need support much less ask or pay for it, given that we are supposed to be the support? This is what can make askings For support feels selfish. It is difficult to admit that you want time to yourself that you want to prioritise yourself that you want some things to benefit you above everyone else. And if you're an overachiever like me, it's difficult to let go of control and the safety that proving yourself through doing it all can bring. Although we absolutely don't need to justify it in this way, it is helpful to remember that being supported doesn't just benefit you, it benefits everyone around you, you are setting an example to people who need permission to do the same. I have seen this time and time again when I share the ways in which I am supported with my clients, which we'll get to later on in this chapter. And you will simply be a better rested, more joyful human to be around. The deepest trauma women experience under patriarchy is that our lives our bodies and minds are not as valuable as men's that were worth less. Dr. Valerie rain patriarchy stress disorder. Whether you identify as a woman or not, all of this goes to highlight that something as simple as being supported can involve a lot of unlearning, and deconditioning, not to mention the discomfort that comes with being judged for claiming support. For example, women who hire cleaners, which we'll talk more about later, and with deeming yourself worthy of it in the first place. Reason number two, money and worthiness. Not all support needs to be paid for however, money is a very real barrier for many of us. On the surface, it might sound as simple as I can't afford the support I need right now. But there can be a lot going on under the surface of a statement like that. Is it true that you can't afford it? In which case Fair enough? Or is it that you won't prioritise spending money in that area? Personally, I found it fairly easy to invest in my business to outsource specific tasks that were directly related to the money that I made. But it has been far harder to invest in coaching to support me with how I feel, or money spent on personal care like a massage, a nice meal, or even new clothes. A fixed amount of money spent on one thing can feel like an investment. And that same amount of money spent on something else can feel like an expense that you can't afford. On first thought that might appear to make complete sense. Of course, investing in support to make money is worth it. And the latter feels riskier, because you're not quite sure what the return on investment might be, or whether it'll even end up being in the right thing. I mean, we've all spent money on things we ultimately didn't enjoy, but isn't all support valid and worth it if it improves your life in some way. The truth is that there doesn't need to be a return on investment beyond how you feel we are all worthy and deserving of giving ourselves more headspace of feeling more pleasure and of experiencing more joy. The likelihood is that it will have a positive ripple effect in the time you're able to spend with your family, in the quality of your work when you get to stay in your zone of magic, perhaps even in your productivity, but you are worth spending money on regardless. Reason number three vulnerability. You know by now that I am a huge introvert and part of what that looks like for me is being incredibly private. In order to start claiming the support I needed, I had to overcome the hurdle of opening up to other people in the first place. Claiming support is a brave and vulnerable Act. As business owners, one of the most important ways we can be supported is to have someone to guide us through the feelings. I'm sure you'll resonate with the idea that being in business is the best form of self development that there is. And it's not always what we thought we were originally signing up for. Feelings creep in at every stage of the journey. What does it mean about us when our posts aren't getting the engagement they used to do people like me if they aren't buying my stuff? Am I a failure if I had a launch flop, they can lead to spinning your wheels procrastinating trying to prove yourself distracting yourself and getting in the way of what you actually really want to be doing. Having a coach or community or mastermind group to help us through all of this is a luxury. And it's also something I see as non negotiable in my business. Receiving coaching as well as being supported by peers has changed everything for me, not just in my business, but across all areas of my life. And it all required me to be vulnerable and to be seen in a way I never had been before. Whenever somebody new signs up to work with me one to one and especially in my group coaching programme where it's a little bit easier to hide or to compare yourself to others, I will always let them know that it's not enough just to be there. Learning to take up space to claim the support that they need is as much a part of the journey as anything else. And it takes an active commitment to do so especially when it feels uncomfortable to ask a silly question. Not that there are any silly questions or to share how you're really feeling or when all you really want to do is close yourself. off from other people. Being supported in this way in your business is really quite magical. Making decisions and running a business more or less on your own is hard. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have doubts, and we all have an invisible glass ceiling of what we feel is possible for us see chapter 13. For more on that, when we are vulnerable to others, they get to reflect our true greatness back to us.

Don't forget the book quietly ambitious is available on Amazon worldwide. And if you head to Ruth poundwhite.com forward slash book, you can get a whole selection of juicy bonuses when you buy it. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of quietly ambitious, if you have a moment to rate and review know that it really does make a difference. And if you'd like to carry on the conversation, then you can connect with me on Instagram at Ruth Poundwhite Join me in the Facebook group or my personal favourite. Sign up to my newsletter letters to quietly ambitious humans. Just go to Ruth poundwhite.com forward slash newsletter to subscribe and keep doing what you're doing because your work really does matter.

Note: at this time transcripts are automated and unedited, which means errors may occur. But we hope you find them helpful!

SUBSCRIBE: Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Acast & more

GET THE QUIETLY AMBITIOUS BOOK

When you subscribe to updates you get access to 3 bonus episodes of the podcast – exclusively for email subscribers – that dive behind the scenes of my business (I talk about failures, money, community & more!)

“If we want to change the world, we need change agents to know how to receive care.” – Emily & Amelia Nagoski, Burnout

Show Notes

Most of us are conditioned not to receive the support that we need, but as quietly ambitious business owners we deserve to be supported on this journey. Let’s talk about what we need to unlearn in order for that to happen. In this episode I'm sharing an extract from Chapter 10 of my book Quietly Ambitious.

Some of the things I talked about:

  • 3 reasons why it's difficult to claim support in our lives & businesses
    • conditioning
    • money & worthiness
    • vulnerability

Links from the episode:

Other episodes you might like:

“We are all worthy and deserving of giving ourselves more headspace, of feeling more pleasure and of experiencing more joy”

Quietly Ambitious

If you enjoyed the podcast and want to share on social media – thank you! Can you use the hashtag #QuietlyAmbitious so that we can continue the conversation on social media, and so that I can find you? I'd love to see what resonated with you after each episode!

And don't forget to get the book if you haven't already.

Ask Me Anything!

I'm also planning to make Q&A episodes a semi-regular part of the show, so if you have any questions make sure you're in my private Facebook group, as I'll be calling on you to send those questions my way.

Where to Find the Podcast…

Thanks so much for listening!

When you subscribe to updates you get access to 3 bonus episodes of the podcast – exclusively for email subscribers – that dive behind the scenes of my business (I talk about failures, money, community & more!)