As humans we love to attach meaning to whatever may or may not be happening in our businesses.
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Ruth Poundwhite 0:00
As humans, we love to attach meaning to whatever may or may not be happening in our businesses. But what do your results really mean about you? Spoiler alert, they actually mean nothing. And this episode will go into why that's true, and how to actually believe that. You're listening to quietly ambitious with conversations about how it really feels to build a business that honours your whole self unapologetically. And that includes who you are, how you feel, what you really desire, the impact that you want to create, and importantly, the money you want to make. I'm your host, Ruth Poundwhite. And my superpower is supporting sensitive and ambitious humans to make more money by fully expressing and owning all of who they are. Let's dive in. Hi, and welcome back to the quietly ambitious podcast. This is officially going to be I say, officially, I might release some bonus episodes, but I haven't decided that at the time of recording. But officially, it is the final episode of 2021. And I wanted to talk about something that I think is kind of fitting at this time of year, although I'll be honest, I think it fits at any time of the year. It's basically about your business results and what they mean about you. And spoiler alert, they mean nothing. Which probably if you've listened to the podcast before, you would have guessed that I would say, but I know it's easy for me to say and I know it's not always so easy to believe. So yeah, let's get into it. So it's the end of the year, I know that you might have feelings about what you did or didn't do this year. And like I said, these feelings don't just come up at the end of the year, they come up all through the year, delightfully. And yeah, maybe you rocked your year, or maybe they were, maybe it was okay, maybe there were massive failures, whatever it is, I just want you to know that it is okay. And whatever you feel is totally valid and normal. And I really, I guess the first thing I want to say is, you know, I'm recording this at the end of 2021. We've been living in a pandemic, for the best part of two years is okay. And not that you need an excuse. But if you do need an excuse, it is okay. If you didn't get as much done as you wanted to it is okay. If things haven't been on the schedule that your ego would have liked it to be. It's okay. Have you made grand plans at the beginning of the year, and you failed to meet them? And I use the word fail, but I don't really think it's a failure. It is totally okay. I think most of us at this point in the pandemic, and in the year are tired. And it's okay. It really is okay. Now, honestly, I think that it is
Ruth Poundwhite 3:00
there's a couple of things I want to say and I just thinking about how to clearly express them. So basically, I think it's very normal and human, that we make certain results, especially when it comes to numbers and money, mean things about how good we are at what we do, or our worth, as humans or any number of stories, your your mileage may vary. But often it comes down to something around how good we are as a human being right. And what's interesting, when I've dug into this with myself in the past and with my clients is that often, we say we have a money goal, and we fail to meet the money goal. And we're disappointed we didn't meet the money goal. But when we really dig into it, it's not usually about the money. Like no matter what happens most of us, when we're not making the money we would want in our business yet an emphasis on the word yet. We usually okay, we usually find another way around. Sometimes it's not ideal. Sometimes things are a bit tight, but we usually figure it out, right? It's okay. And if we if we trusted that it was happening in the future, then the figuring out right now it wouldn't matter as much, although that's probably something for me to talk about later on in this episode. When we really dig into it, what Nick, what usually comes up is actually the money is kind of surface level. What really comes up for people often is people will think I'm a failure, people will see that I failed at this. Or I am not good at what I do, because I didn't sell enough of it. This stuff comes up time and time again for my clients and it has done for me in the past a lot as well. Now, at the time that you're listening to this episode, you this is episode 99 You will be able to listen if you haven't already listened to Episode 98 where I talk about a kind of recent launch. I did that actually didn't go that well, actually did not, I felt very short of the goals I had for that launch. And actually, I felt really good about it. And the thing is, in the not so distant past, I would absolutely not have felt good about myself after a launch like that I would have made it mean so much about how good I am at what I do, especially because I'm a business coach, you know, so if, if everything in my business doesn't work out, 100% and do amazing, then I'm a terrible business coach. Now, obviously, that is not true, because part of doing business is that not everything works. Part of doing business is that we do fail, is that we do have setbacks along the way. And it's that we cultivate that resilience to get back up and keep trying and keep building momentum, right. But yeah, in the past, I would have had a lot of those stories about how good I was as a business coach, but honestly, I think I remember earlier on having a lunch and feeling like a fool. Like, I think that's just the most simple way to put it. Like I felt like a fool. I was showing up putting myself out there being so visible, talking about my stuff all day long. And I felt foolish that people saw me doing that, whether it worked or not, I feel like full. And I definitely recommend you go and listen to that episode. Because it's basically, it's a really good example of how you can it is actually possible to grow and to have setbacks and bad launches, and not to tie them to your results, not results, not to tie them to your worth as a human being. And this I would say is something that has massively I don't like something has clicked for me this year 2021, where I have detached my worth as a human from my results. And I cannot tell you how much freedom that is giving me in my life. And in my business. It is amazing. So obviously, I'm going to share a bit about how you might get to working on it yourself as well. Now, in case it's not already obvious, why is it important that we work on detaching our results from our worth as a human being? Well, number one, is because how you feel matters, like I don't need to give you any other reason than that, although I will, but how you feel matters. If you're feeling crap about yourself, then I want you to feel better. And so it is more than worth it for that reason alone. But number two, and this is what I have found has been a lovely side effect of doing this work is that you will actually be way more likely to get the results that you actually want, when you free up that brain space, when you quiet down that part of you that is trying to protect you but doing it in a way that feels very, not very nice. When you quiet down that part of your brain, you actually have so much more capacity just to do the things you want to do, whether that's not working, or whether that's like working on stuff that actually builds up the momentum to actually get to the thing you want.
Ruth Poundwhite 8:03
And the other thing I really wanted to say about this, and I've witnessed this a lot, both in myself and in my clients is that it's not just about failure. So the title of this episode is what your business results mean about you. It's actually I'm not just talking about perceived failures here. Because the truth is that a lot of us actually still don't feel good enough. When we make our goals happen. A lot of us will spend so long working on the thing that we we tell ourselves, I will be happy when I will feel confident in myself as a business owner, when that happens, I will feel good enough. When this happens, I will stop doubting myself when that thing happens. You know, a lot of us spend a lot of time operating from that place. And it has certainly been the case for me, especially in my previous business where I was meeting new milestones, I was increasing my income, I was working with more and more clients, I was growing my email list, things were on a fabulous trajectory. And I felt less than good enough all the time, almost all the time. And I have seen it in my clients. And this is a really common one where they will have amazing months or you know, amazing launch or whatever. And then it quickly turns into fear, doubt and questioning whether it was just a fluke. So basically saying to themselves, I didn't make that happen. It wasn't about me being good at it, it was a fluke. And they're afraid that it will never happen again. So it's not just about when things don't go the way we want that this stuff can come up. It's about everything. It because if at your core, you are relying on some results to make you feel good enough in your business. Then you will find that even when those results happen, you still have that not enough feeling going on, which sucks. But honestly, and I promise you, it will get better. So where was I, I was going into the reasons why working on being enough no matter what I am enough, no matter what is so beneficial for ourselves and in our businesses, if you can believe that you are enough, no matter what happens, you can allow yourself to start going for, to start claiming what you really want for yourself, your life and your business, you're no longer setting your goals from the place of I will be happy when I achieve this, I will be enough when I achieve this, you're setting goals from a place of, I feel like doing that. This thing lights me up, that would feel exciting for me to work on. It makes business and life so much more playful, so much more fun, you're basically giving yourself permission to experiment to try new things to stretch to fail, is just the best. And what's coming up for me right now, as I talk about this is this idea that, you know, in parenting, they say that when a child has a really secure attachment to their parent, they will feel a lot more safe to actually go further away from them. So let's just like put it into a really specific context. So let's say you're at the playground or a massive park with your child, they would feel much safer to run further away from you and play because they trust that you are always there for them. They trust that they just have this like innate knowing that you are always there for them and that you keep them safe. So they feel more free to go further away from you and to play to explore to grow as people. And it's kind of the same thing with this self worth piece. The more you trust that you are worthy and enough, the more you allow yourself to push the boundaries, the more you allow yourself to experiment to take risks, knowing that no matter what happens, maybe that risk will pay off. Maybe it won't, it's actually very normal for to fail at stuff, right when you're a business owner and entrepreneur, really normal to do things that don't always pay off. That's how we learn is how we grow. It's how we do get to the ideas that really pay off.
Ruth Poundwhite 12:20
And cultivating that sense of enoughness is, is what's gonna give yourself what's the word I'm looking for. Just make yourself feel safer to explore this stuff, basically. And I did talk more about playing with making space for possibility and playing with magic in our business in Episode 96. So definitely go and listen to that is definitely a really good companion to this episode. But how do we actually start to let go of it because this is a big topic, right? And I'm not going to cure it for you in one podcast episode. I feel like I've come so far with this stuff. But I wouldn't say it's never going to pop up for me like I'm a human being. And self doubt is if that's the word for it, it's I guess it's not just self doubt, self doubt self worth. All of this stuff is a natural part of the human experience. And in its purest, most positive form, it is there to protect us from things. So it's okay if it doesn't completely go away. But I am going to share with you a few things that have helped me. So firstly, gratitude, let's be grateful for where we are, even if it's not where we want to be. Now, this obviously works more in the context of thinking about goals that you fail to reach versus that feeling of not enoughness, even when you're rocking it at your business. But anyway, gratitude for where you are celebration of every little step along the way, and really recognising yourself for how far you've come. So I can't tell you like, I think it's very common. I think everyone does this, where you will be so focused on where you're going that you really don't take a moment to recognise how far you've come. And this was certainly true for me, I remember this very clearly, building up this business and my second business, just really focusing on not having the clients yet not making all the money yet not replacing my previous business income yet. And then when I actually I sat down and I made a list of all the things I had done in the last few years and I was like bloody hell, I have stretched my comfort zone in the best possible way. I never knew I was capable of all this stuff. I have done amazing things. I'm putting myself out there. It really switched how I felt about myself giving myself recognition for all of that. And also, you know, looking for the evidence of what is working so if the money is not there yet, well what is that you've got people listening to you, you might not have as many people as you want listening to the to you but think for those people as human beings. Think of them as human beings rather than a number and see how that flips how you feel. So that's the first thing. Second thing is different kinds of practices and mindset techniques. So Some of the practice, I won't go into loads of detail now because I want this to be kind of a short and sweet podcast episode. But I will pose the question to you to ask you like, what is it that you are doing, when you feel most connected to yourself, you feel most worthy, and just sure of your worth. So for me, I'll give you some examples. It could be like going for a run, being in my body, getting that runner's high, not that I've been doing much of that lately, really happens for me a lot when I do breath work. So there's a lot about being in my body that really helps me to access. And by the way, when I say access this feeling, it's not that it's like there, and I've already found it. Now I've got it, it's like it can be fleeting, sometimes. But I still think it's so powerful, even if it's fleeting, because you know, it's there, you know, that it can be reached.
Ruth Poundwhite 15:55
So doing the practices that get you to that feeling of I am at one with myself, you know, I am a worthy and brilliant and loved and beautiful human being, no matter what anyone else says or does or thinks, I know that for myself, getting to those moments, whatever practices do that for you, honestly, do them, they are important, they are part of your work as a business owner 100%. And then in terms of mindset techniques, there's a lot of stuff I do with my clients. And I actually offer my one to one of my group clients a monthly mindset session, it doesn't always focus on worthiness, but I do think it underlies a lot of the stuff. One of the techniques that I do with them is called the Recode recode method. And I'm just going to give you a simple journaling prompt based on it's a whole exercise, I'm going to give you one tiny part of it now. But basically, the question is, if you knew 100%, that the thing you wanted was happening, like it was a done deal. What would you make what's going on for you now mean? So I'll repeat that in case you missed it. If you knew 100%, that the thing you wanted was guaranteed happening? What would you be making? What's going on for you now mean? And how would you act? Now, if you knew it was 100% happening? Basically, this is a way to notice become aware of how much feeling you are attaching to the facts. So the fact is, I'm not making as much money as I want right now, the feeling is I'm not good enough, right. And this is a very simplified version of it. But we attach meaning to a lot of stuff that happens in our lives. And there's a reason we do that. And, and it helps us in many ways, but it's often not helpful in these kind of situations with our business. So asking yourself, okay, if it was happening, how would I look back on this moment? And how would I, what meaning would I attach to it, then it really makes clear to you where the story is versus where the factors and just working on affirmations like I am safe. I am loved. I am enough. And as simple as that is that really is what it comes down to. So I hope that this episode has been helpful. I know that I've just skimmed the surface of what it is that you can do to cultivate this sense that no matter what happens, you are more than enough. Like no matter what happens. It's not dependent on any goal happening. It doesn't mean anything if the goal doesn't happen. You are enough. I know that I've only skimmed the surface of this. But I hope it's been an important and timely reminder for you, especially as we approach the end of the year. And you might be reviewing what you have or haven't achieved. And just remember, wherever you are now doesn't mean doesn't change the big vision you have for your life, your business, and go listen to episode 96 Playing with possibility because it is so linked to all of this stuff. And in case you needed to hear it again. You are brilliant, worthy, beautiful, lovable, perfect human, no matter what happens in your life and in your business. And nothing could change that. Okay. So I'm not going to speak to you again. Well, like I said at the beginning, maybe there'll be a bonus episode. Please don't hold me to that. I haven't decided yet. But I just want to take a moment to say have a good Christmas if you're celebrating and Happy New Year and let's hope that 2022 is a better year for most of us than 2021 Thank you so much for listening to another episode of quietly ambitious. If you have a moment to rate and review know that it really does make a difference. And if you'd like to carry on the conversation, then you can connect with me on Instagram at Ruth Poundwhite Join me in the Facebook group or my personal favourite. Sign up to my newsletter letters to quietly ambitious Humans just go to Ruth poundwhite.com forward slash newsletter to subscribe and keep doing what you're doing because your work really does matter
Note: at this time transcripts are automated and unedited, which means errors may occur. But we hope you find them helpful!
When you subscribe to updates you get access to 3 bonus episodes of the podcast – exclusively for email subscribers – that dive behind the scenes of my business (I talk about failures, money, community & more!)
“the more you trust that you are worthy and enough, the safe you will feel to push boundaries, to experiment, to take risks in your business”
As humans we love to attach meaning to whatever may or may not be happening in our businesses. But what do your results REALLY mean about you? Spoiler alert – they actually mean nothing! And this episode will go into why that's true, how nothing you do or don't achieve will ever change your value as a human being, and how to actually believe it.
“no matter what happens, you are more than enough”
Some of the things I talked about:
- The stories we attach to certain numbers and milestones
- How not-enough-ness shows up when we are rocking it as well as when we aren't
- Learning to trust that we are enough no matter what
- Journal prompt: if you know 100% that the thing you wanted was happening, what would you make what's going on for you now mean? And how would you act now?
Links from the episode:
Other episodes you might like:
- Episode #79: Accepting Our Self-Doubt, Letting Go of the Shoulds & Defining Success on Your Own Terms with Kelsey Mech
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Thanks so much for listening!
When you subscribe to updates you get access to 3 bonus episodes of the podcast – exclusively for email subscribers – that dive behind the scenes of my business (I talk about failures, money, community & more!)