Why is it so hard to listen to our inner voice? And what role does our body have in helping us do that? I talk about all that, and more, with Kathy Bell in today’s episode.
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Ruth Poundwhite 0:00
Why is it so hard to listen to our inner voice? And what role does our body have in helping us to do that? I talk about all of this and more with Kathy bell in today’s episode.
You’re listening to quietly ambitious with conversations about how it really feels to build a business that honours your whole self unapologetically. And that includes who you are, how you feel, what you really desire, the impact that you want to create, and importantly, the money you want to make. I’m your host, Ruth Poundwhite, and my superpower is supporting sensitive and ambitious humans to make more money by fully expressing and owning all of who they are. Let’s dive in. Hi, and welcome back to another episode of The quitely ambitious Podcast. Today I am chatting with experienced breathwork facilitator, business mentor and published author Kathy Bell, all about listening to our inner voice, why that’s hard, and what it takes to get through the layers of the gunk in the way of doing it. Kathy’s love language is to hold loving, clear and expansive spaces for you to integrate your soul’s essence into your human reality. Whilst supporting and encouraging you to step fully into the work that you came here to do. As a highly sensitive Empath on her own journey. Cathy embraces spending time in nature, adventuring, wild water, swimming and observing the cycles of Mother Earth, which we talk about in today’s episode. Also, in today’s episode, we talk about the work it takes to unlearn what we need to unlearn to really hold space for ourselves and for our clients. The importance of tuning into the intelligence of the body and how breathwork helps with that, and the importance of ritual and connecting with nature. I think you’re gonna love this episode. Enjoy. So can we start by talking about why is it hard? Why do you think it’s hard for sensitive people to listen to tune into their own inner voice?
Kathy Bell 2:10
I think, well, it’s such a great question. If we go back to childhood, I think a lot of sensitive people
in childhood would, you know, would have immediately been picking up on everybody else’s stuff. And often don’t know how you this, how you would find this, but I feel like there’s usually one person in the family who is sensitive. And they’re almost the, the, somebody, I think it’s, I forget the person’s name I saw this from but their transitional character in the family. And they often run at the energy of everybody else. Like, you know, they before they realise that their sensitivity, and their role in the family has anything to do with, you know, changing the family dynamics. So, what I’m trying to say here is that we, you know, as children, we’re sensitive, and we immediately start to run the families energy through our system through our body. I know for me, as you know, as a sensitive child, I was an only child. You know, my parents divorced when I was young. I have stepdad so it’s still our house was very quiet. But I was ruining a lot of emotional energy of my, like my mother, my, you know, my stepdad, through my system. And I took on beliefs and energy, I think, I think because we all take on beliefs from our parents, of course we do. But I think I took on a lot of energy from the emotional situation of some of my childhood, some of our family dynamic, and felt that instead of feeling me and feeling inside me feeling my own feelings and emotions, though, especially at school, I used to find this I would feel a certain way and not know why that I was feeling the collective class energy. So it might be excitement because we’re excited about doing something. Or it might be fear because we you know, we were being tested or having a test or something like that. And I would feel everybody else’s emotions and that often is conflicting because I think you can think a certain way. You’re like, Oh, I really liked doing the school play. But then there being other people in the classroom, hate doing the school play. So you having this conflict of emotions going on inside you. And I think that is the first place that I come to when you ask that question. Shame.
Ruth Poundwhite 5:01
Yeah, I can relate to a lot of that the feeling a certain way and not knowing why. I think that it can go in different directions or we have that experience as a child. And for me, my like, I think, thinking my feelings were too much for other people sensing that my feelings were too much for other people learn me learn me taught me to shut them down, to compartmentalise them to like put them in different parts of my head, and leave them. And that was my experience for a long time. I’m curious if you have experienced the same thing, or if yours went in another direction. And I also am aware like we’ve gone straight in with a deep question here, I haven’t, haven’t described what it means to be a sensitive human. So I just want to say to everyone listening, like there’s other episodes where we do talk about what it means to be a sensitive human, but if you relate to anything that Kathy has just said, then you are in the right place. So just go with it. And this is good stuff. So yeah, do you relate to that? Or did? Has it been different for you,
Kathy Bell 6:02
sensing that my emotions were too much for people doing it, the first thing that comes to mind when you were speaking was knowing that people weren’t telling the truth. So, you know, like, the adults would be like, Yes, everything’s fine, everything’s absolutely fine. You don’t need and then actually feeling this like anxiety and swell of emotion and having that what’s the word? I want to say disparity. So the word things don’t quite match up. So that you know the behaviour of the adult and the yet the way that they were actually feeling, which I was feeling, but as a child, you don’t realise that wasn’t matching up. So something just fell off. So it was like, I don’t know if I trust you. But is that because there’s something wrong with me, I should trust you. You’re an adult, and you know what you’re doing, but so it’s it. I think that was the thing that planted the seed to start me to mistrust. How I was feeling. I’ve always been very emotional, and always been very open with my emotions. I think and yeah, yeah, I think my emotions, I don’t think there were too much for people. But my because I was not a child. And my mum came from a farming background, she got two older brothers and a younger sister. I think she she was she says, I don’t think she says to me, often I tried, you know, tried always tried to toughen you up. And I always laugh at this because the she never could have toughened me up, even if she tried. But I think that kind of it’s not that my emotions couldn’t be handled by other people that they weren’t shut down because they were a sign of weakness. You know, like me being emotional and crying, or getting upset or being worried or being anxious. While we’re seen as our copies not strong. Kevin needs to be toughened up, I think needs to be prepared for this hard work. She’s an only child look at this poor little wave of a thing she needs, you know, to be stronger. So the emotions weren’t valued. Yeah, the emotional expression wasn’t seen in a positive way it was in a negative way, which I think impacted.
Ruth Poundwhite 8:29
That’s, yeah, I love that. How does this play out for you? Because we were just talking before we hit record about you parenting a sensitive child, like how does it play out for you in your parenting? valuing those emotions and navigating them yourself as a sensitive person?
Kathy Bell 8:45
Yeah, I mean, do you know what now I’m gonna answer this question backwards? As a still as a sensitive person who has done an absolutely huge amount of breath work honestly, there’s not as many tears as they used to be like I will still feel that way remotely still I will still cry of course but the actual you know, full on uncontrollable sobbing tears just aren’t there as much as they used to be going into the my daughter’s 10 now and I love Yeah, we should have said this off camera but I’m loving that this that scene you now step into this world of like primary school and phonics and all of that stuff like yeah, for me only I you know, like having one child see, I’m getting emotional. Having one child who you know this Yeah, I just love getting to see you do this for the first time. And probably the only time I don’t know you may have more children, but it’s just really beautiful. And yeah, I I noticed early on that she was a little bit more sensitive. I used to call her the observer or the watcher because she would, you know, sit and observe like, while the other kids were kind of like tearing around trying to get as much stuff as they could, she would sit and observe, she would sit and watch. So I already knew that she had that, that quality, that quieter quality to her that was was different from other children. And I mean, I’ve got a photo actually sometimes bring it out every Halloween. To help the sensitive children out there. I’ve got a photo of her at Halloween, she must have been maybe I think she was three, two or three. And she’s dinner witches costume. And she stood in front of mirror and she’s crying her eyes out. And it’s because she hated the, the itchy scratchy feeling of the the costume against her skin like, and, you know, anyone who has got a child who hates dressing up, unless it’s you know, like she used to. So funny. She used to dress that when she dressed up as frozen was very big when she was little. So when she dress up as frozen, she would she had an old laugh costume. Because she wouldn’t dress up as not because she didn’t want to dress up as a girl. Because the girl costumes are itchy and horrible air when she so anytime she just an up. So it’s I knew quite earlier and then playing out in my parenting it was very much this feeling of I didn’t want her to feel the way I felt as a child. And I wanted to I know that my mum trying to toughen me up didn’t work and probably did more. I’ll say damage because that’s all because we all do our best as Yeah, but it did. You know, didn’t, it didn’t achieve what she wanted it to achieve didn’t talk me up, it made me feel crap. So, yeah, I wanted to do things a little bit differently. And I would see, you know, when you’ve got young children, you know, you see other young children, you see other parents parenting children who may be sensitive may or may not be sensitive, and, you know, I would see them getting frustrated with their children, I would see them, you know, shushing the children or not allowing them to express their emotions and you know, it would break my heart because I was like, that’s, you think the same as my mum thinks, you know, you think that by by not letting them to express their emotions, you’re going to somehow toughen them up. And they’ll be you know, and and so what really came through me at that time was this idea that like feeling well, first of all, you’re sensitive, just your sensitivity is your superpower. But also that feeling. Feeling emotional, Being emotional is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. And so I yeah, I’ve kind of danced with that in my parenting and in my work at the time, and allow my daughter to feel our feelings. Like it was very, you know, from very early on, it’s okay to be emotional. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel upset. I understand why you feel this way. I understand how hard it is to get the socks to fit on your feet in the right way. So that thing, the thing is, so do everything for the tote, you know, so that you’re not tight. You know, you don’t have this but tight. So I have it with you. But you won’t have it. Yeah, getting the types to be normal, because they’re not made for feet. They’re just like, yeah, yeah, it was. It was a whole vibe. I really enjoyed it. And you know, now you are you wouldn’t know that she sent like, I don’t think you would know that. She’s like, she’s so strong. She knows what she what she needs. Like she knows she will. She knows she needs quiet time. She knows she needs peace and quiet. She knows she all of that’s okay. She knows she doesn’t need to be online with their friends. 24/7. And she knows how to take care of herself. Because I think, you know, taught her that but also she’s I never never tried to make her feel wrong for feeling the way that she feels.
Ruth Poundwhite 14:23
Yes, that’s it. Never making it feel wrong feeling the way she feels. Yeah. And I swear to you, I did not know I needed quiet time until I can’t even like late 20s Maybe? I don’t know, seriously. I didn’t know. It was obviously if it was obvious, looking back in hindsight, but you you Yeah, once you figure out these things about yourself, your whole history of your life can change. Like actually, you know, I wasn’t wrong for that. I wasn’t wrong for that. And it just when you were talking it really reminded me of reading Glennon Doyle’s book untamed and she Talk. She is a sensitive person, she has a sensitive child. And, and just she’s, I can’t, I’m not gonna do it justice by like, saying summarising what she said. But basically, we need the sensitive people in the world, we need the ones who really care in the world. And, you know, it’s a, it’s a gift. Not Yeah, it’s a gift to the world. And I like also what you said about your daughter and like, you wouldn’t even know that she was sensitive now. And like, that’s a really good point to make as well. Like, it doesn’t look one specific way. And you can be sensitive and strong. And be sensitive. And you know, boundaried in what you
Kathy Bell 15:39
are, yeah, yeah, sassy, you know, like, sensitive and sassy yet, like Absolutely. Something came to me, then it’s completely gone again.
Ruth Poundwhite 15:49
So if it comes back, but where I what I’m thinking, it’s like, what does it take for you? So parents are not listening to this? I think we all know, I mean, literally what I just said it like I didn’t even know I needed quiet attire until late 20s. I didn’t know what an introvert was until I was 25. It’s like, what does it take for you to to do the work to not make yourself wrong for your own feelings in order to hold that space for your child? Or hold that space for your clients?
Kathy Bell 16:21
Yeah, or Yeah, for yourself. I mean, it’s come back to me now what I was gonna say was that when I went to university, I couldn’t understand my my friend, that university used to call me the bit like, why is it such a baby? Because I would, because you know, university life, you’re constantly up down with people. It’s like, going out, we’re going here. And I could just because I, you know, spent my entire life at home, I might not at home on my own. I’ve socialising and I’ve come home and my house was quiet. It was missing. Yeah, it was no deal. You know, there was my mom and my stepdad. And that was it. So that was what I was going to say. But coming on to the work. And the question that you just asked, which now is alone out of
Ruth Poundwhite 17:08
is worth the work for the word of you to hold this space for your daughter. Yeah, hold your space for yourself. It held this space for your daughter, and then also holding space for your clients. Because this is a big part of the work you do. And we will get on to like the breath work and everything and the Holding space as well. Like what does it take for you to unlearn what you need to unlearn to decondition to honour your own feelings in order to do that for yourself and others.
Kathy Bell 17:35
So many questions in there. And it’s keeping track. So I did want to hop around here. So the first thing that came to mind when you ask that question was compassion, like self compassion. I am already there’s, at the time of recording this, we’re just about to head into the Eclipse portal. I’m already starting to feel anxious. Like an onesie. I’m not anxious. So you know, but I’m already feeling like I’m caffeinated 24 hours a day like this, that kind of, I’m on alert. And you know, I had to just have a minute with myself earlier. But before I came on this call and was like this, it’s okay to feel this way. You’re not losing your mind. There’s nothing wrong. It’s gonna pass. Everything’s okay. You know, just because I’m feeling collective energy doesn’t mean that I’ve done something wrong. I think so first of all, compassion. When we’re talking about deconditioning, I think I, when I first learned about being sensitive, through Elaine Aaron, so that book came into my life, the highly sensitive person, I also found Heidi Sawyer, who talks about intuitive, sensitive people really loved a book. And that made a lot of sense to me also. But they, but I feel like there was this conditioning. I don’t know if I picked it up from from those particular authors, or whether it was preconceptions, but I picked up a lot of what I think now to be ideas that are just simply wrong and unhelpful for sensitive people. So for example, I mean, I’ve even said it in this call, like, absorbing other people’s energy. And so when we find that we’ve done that, or feel a certain way and not and don’t understand why we can berate ourselves and feel almost like a victim. Oh, this is this is the thing that happens because I’m sensitive and oh god, it doesn’t happen to other people and you can start to feel a little bit like a victim. That’s the one thing that you need to that I really helped me to decondition Yeah, feeling of victim of sensitivity actually. I’m just going to use that as an umbrella term and seeing it more as a curse. So what I did, there was a shift and it came from a mentor that I had a long time ago called Madeline Giles. And she is one who interestingly introduced me to breathwork. But she said something to me around owning my own energy, and no one being able to take that from me. And that was such a huge shift. You know, when everything changes, like a life changing moment, like the moment I found out, there was things there was a thing called highly sensitive, yeah, that also changed my life. But when she said that, to me, I was like, Holy shit, because I have, up until this point, believed that I’m the, I’m a victim of, of large crowds, I’m the victim of other people’s energy I’m, and it just wasn’t true. So the biggest paradigm shift for me around this has been that I’ve been sovereign in my own energy and owning that, and being the conscious custodian of my energy, so nobody can take it from me. It’s also it’s never, it’s unlimited, that my energy is unlimited. My capacity to feel is unlimited. My you know, the love that I have is unlimited. So nobody can take it from me. And I choose, I can certainly feel as though somebody might be trying to infiltrate my, my field. You Yeah. But I also get to choose whether I say no, thank you, not today, this is my, this is my space, this is my energy. This is my, this is my, like, physical boundary, like, this is my space, you know, and no, you can’t come in. And so going to things like, you know, go into supermarkets or going to the shops, or, you know, a shopping centre, or even a gig, for example, just being like, wow, there’s a lot of people here, okay, well, it’s okay, because I own my energy, I’m the custodian of my energy, no one can take it from me. And I’m, you know, I’m rooted and grounded, I’m strong. And this is my container. And I’m protected. So that was really huge in allowing me to do energy work, because that hadn’t landed for me, when I first started energy work, because I started out doing EFT with people. And I would have crystals, tuck them in my bra, have them in my pants I would have, I would have them on the table, I would be like saging everywhere and afterwards, and people, you know, people coming in, I used to do sessions at my home. And I would just feel so exhausted because I believed that they were taking something from me. And that because I maybe felt, you know, they might have told me their story or told me about something because I felt it, I would believe that I take it and it was all very messy, like the energy of it was all very messy. And yeah, I stopped, you know, I stopped doing that healing work. And start doing using EFT as a modality actually, because it was all surrounded by that. That belief that I could be drained, my energy couldn’t be drained by somebody else, because I was sensitive.
Ruth Poundwhite 23:31
Yeah, this really resonates with me, and I certainly I really, I know that it seems a bit like blunt to say it, but like feeling the victim of your own sensitivity. I definitely feel like that. And like, why is it so hard for me? And it was just easy for other people like, yeah, take so much for me and in my business, like, show up and go live and talk and all of this stuff. And I think what, what the most important part of that you started off by saying it’s about self compassion. And I think this is where the two things go together. Like, we’re not we show ourselves compassion for feeling the way that we feel. And we take responsibility for ourselves and our energy as sovereign beings at the same time. Yeah, yeah. Both together. Yeah. And that’s the most important thing. It’s not about berating ourselves. It’s not about, you know, swinging either way, like, it’s everyone else’s fault, or it’s my fault. It’s no one’s fault. It is what it is. And we take responsibility with compassion at the same time. So yeah, I think that’s so important. And I think a lot of people will resonate with that for sure. I would love to hear so you start you, you said that you took on a lot of energy with the previous work that you did before you learn this and then and then you kind of figured out you had this shift that changed everything is that when you started doing breath work, we were doing breath work then more about the breath work and the role that that has played in helping you connect more with yourself as well. Yeah, absolutely.
Kathy Bell 24:55
Yeah. It was all around about the same time so I was doing breath work because it As Madeline that Madeline that introduced me to breath work I was I was working with her whether it was in a group or one to one, I can’t remember when she exactly said that. But yeah, it was all around about the same time. And it was definitely a reclamation of my own energy. So I was able to through breath, clear lifetimes and lifetimes, lifetimes of other people’s gunk, and lies and myths and truth untruths that I bought into. To feel my own self to think it was, I think I’d probably spent, I mean, how old I would have been like, 2728, when they when it came into my life. No, kind of, I was like, around my early 30s. So when it came into my life, and I would have spent every moment up until that point, disconnected from my body. Because it simply just wasn’t a great place to be because it was full of pain and sadness and emotions that weren’t accepted or loved. And, you know, like, it was just not a place to be. And yeah, breathwork was that port that gateway into being in my body. And I was finally able to feel what it felt like to be the inhabitant of this, like a vehicle to feel my own feelings like what I love. Do you know, Madeline would beautiful questions that she knows she heavily influences the work that I do now. She was, you know, just as such beautiful questions, you know, to help me to reconnect back to my heart. She helped me to find a breath work helped me to find the answers to all the questions within, you know, the questions that we often look outside for, you know, in that breath workspace, I was able to find them from inside myself. And immediately I knew that my, those answers were coming from for me, because they have the way they felt. I think that’s another thing about breathwork and sensitive people you like, it’s like, your feelings on steroids. It’s like, I know that to be true, because I can feel it in my body. Like that. When I go, Oh, what should I you know, what? What do I think about such and such? And, you know, somebody else’s voice will come into my head? And it just feels no, no, like in the body. Whereas if I asked myself that question, I knew it to be true, because it was like, it was fuzzy inside of me, I could feel that that was me, rather than leaning on leaning on or into other people’s ideas, beliefs and thoughts.
Ruth Poundwhite 27:52
Yeah, yeah, in my experience, there’s a difference between doing something like breath work where it’s like active your mind, I don’t know, you need to describe, maybe you should describe what it is. I get it wrong. But like, the difference between that and just sitting and thinking about stuff, like I can sit and think about stuff. And sometimes I can have a very clear, knowing, like, don’t get me wrong, I do have a clear knowing sitting, I’m thinking about stuff or journaling. But sometimes it’s hard to reach that because the gunk is still there. And it’s very, it’s you can’t see it, sometimes you think it’s clear, and it’s not clear. And then. So what I’m getting at is there’s a difference between that and then being in your body, and then getting the knowing like, there is a difference for me. Both are like valid, but sometimes I need that extra layer. But yeah, maybe you can just explain for those who are listening, because I do breath work with you. And it’s been really supportive for me as a sensitive person who learned to shut down her feelings in helping me to connect with them, and also make sense of them sometimes, because I often have a feeling and I don’t know what it is. So can you just describe for anyone who is new to it really briefly, what it is or what it’s for?
Kathy Bell 29:08
Really, really? I’ll try my best. And it’s an active meditation, like you said, so it is it’s a form of pranayama. So it’s a form of breathing. But you are laid down, it’s it’s kind of it’s it’s active, but it’s quite passive at the same time, because you’re in a relaxed position, right? But you are actually physically doing work because there’s work it’s it’s an active, active freeze and active breathing technique. And that has gussto behind it that has, it has the intent. The you know, the reason behind that is to oxygenate the system. So we’re bringing a lot of oxygen into the body to help highlight where the blocks are in our energy. So are the emotional blocks. Maybe for people who don’t like these to use the word blocks. I’m just using that as a sweeping broad stroke statement because there’s so many words and And yeah, as you said, like, there are, we think that we are just this mind, we think that we are just the brain, and that if I think about something long enough, this solution will come to me. Or, yeah, I think about it or try and strategize it or bring it all up here. Whereas, I think I don’t know what percentage to say that the mind is, but the actual intelligence of the body is far greater than just what we can, what we can achieve within it with our minds. The intelligence of the breath and the body are just mind blowing sometimes. And it’s, it helps you the breath work that I share helps you get into a space and a state of consciousness, where we tap into that other part of you that other intelligence, so things do just become clear, you know, things that you’ve thought about for months about, you know, or even years can suddenly just be Hi, I’ve just seen this in a whole new light, and that’s completely changed my world. Yeah, brings you there’s again, there’s different elements, every session are so different, but it can bring you into your body again, like we’ve said, to help you feel what it feels like to be you. Yeah, it can, Leah, help you flee it and feel emotions that you’ve suppressed, or been too afraid to feel or didn’t even know that we’re there. So sometimes something can come out of absolutely nowhere. And, and it’s expressed through the session or during the session. I know you’ve had an I’ve also had this after, it’s one of my favourite things about breathwork is that downloading of the course or in my, in my experience, it’s by first one was like the book, it was like, so clear, when it’s, you know, a brand new, incredible idea just comes into your mind halfway through breathwork session, and it’s like, you do this, you do this, you do this, you do this, but you’ve come out with so much confidence in the offer. Because you know, that is that is the thing because you felt it. And it came from No, it didn’t come from you thinking about it. It just boom came in. And that was it.
Ruth Poundwhite 32:25
Some, even the lack of the lack of lack of but like the removal of thinking, overthinking about it is what allows it to come for sure.
Kathy Bell 32:34
There Yeah, the relaxation, definitely. So we shift consciousness. So a lot of the time we’re in beta brainwaves. And that’s been a thinking doing, you know, being depth. And as soon as we can move a little bit deeper, especially in tech, alpha frequency, and beyond, you know, some people do fall asleep. Do go into delta, you like really deep? What’s the other one? Better delta? And then the other one,
Ruth Poundwhite 33:04
I know, I did learn about this in my own training, but
Kathy Bell 33:07
then the other ones like why is the other one’s kind of more like home? Think of it but yeah, so just shifting that state of consciousness is is is sometimes the thing that can be the thing to help you get that creative solution, going, you know, receive the idea. But of course, you know, as we’ve said, it’s the emotional side, it’s the trauma release, it’s the emotion release. It’s the you know, that spent one of my teacher says Erin Telford says it’s like a space to have an adult temper tantrum. Now, as adults, we’re just so conditioned to always, you know, just be very level headed and not, you know, not have outbursts, and it’s not very grown up, is it to have a tap in or have a have a bit of a Temper, temper tantrum? Or how you know, like, do your emotions. That’s interesting. Where do you do them? Like, months go and swim in the woods? Where are you going to scream? You know, I mean, yeah, where are you going to have that? And I think as adults, we get stuck in that space where we hold on to those emotions, because it’s not grown up to have emotions. Yeah,
Ruth Poundwhite 34:13
yeah. I mean, you know this from working with me, but sometimes I will resist like mad and won’t let it out. And you’ll like, give me some sort of permission or cue. And then maybe I’ll let out maybe I won’t, but just think about the anger thing, like my husband did one of the sessions that you did for my room, he did it with me. And he said, It really brought up like anger for him like repressed anger, and it’s really, really interesting. Yeah, and everything is it’s always different. But for me, I just feel like it’s important to say like, for me as a anxious person, there are times when there is almost nothing that I can do to get out of a anxious phase. Sometimes it’s sometimes it’s a sense of anxiety, which is not nice, but it’s not tied to any specific thoughts. Some times it’s specific, like intrusive thoughts. There is almost nothing I can do sleeping, and then hoping it’s gone away the next day is one thing. intense exercise, maybe a breath work. Honestly, I swear to you like it’s and I was actually quite nervous about doing breath work because of the anxiety. And I know that maybe some people who have panic attacks maybe it might be triggering triggering for them to like, because it’s supposed to be hyperventilate. Yeah. hyperventilate.
Kathy Bell 35:24
Yeah, it’s not hyperventilate, but it can be to see. Belters Yeah, it can be felt as hyperventilating?
Ruth Poundwhite 35:33
Yes, for sure. But for me, because I was nervous going in. And actually, it’s turned out, it’s a very good tool for me with that. So I kind of I just, I just felt like bringing that up in case anyone has the same kind of apprehension around it. For me, it’s actually very helpful that it’s an active thing. I resist it, because I don’t want to make the effort to do it. It always feels good afterwards. But it’s actually quite helpful that it’s an active thing rather than a passive. I’m not just lying there doing nothing, because that’s actually where my anxiety can live. Like. When I went up, there was nothing.
Kathy Bell 36:07
Yeah. The other busy mind, like you said that those thoughts. Yeah. And I think the stronger they are, the easier it is to resist, for sure. And that’s why there’s a beauty of it, because you can meet the practice in any state and have an experience, whether it’s, I always say that whether it’s, you know, like a 1% shift in how you’re feeling, compared to, you know, 100% shift in how you’re feeling like each, whether it’s 100, or one, it’s just as valid. And it’s just as you might not see that in your brain as equal in quite like, Well, I’m really going to put all this effort in, I’m just going to feel one sec. Yeah. That might not be to your logical brain the most. Yeah, the most sensible idea, but it is, I personally think it’s always worth it.
Ruth Poundwhite 37:01
Yeah, yeah, it’s that has definitely been my experience of doing it so many times with you now, like, sometimes it’s a massive shift. Sometimes it’s very small, but it’s always a shift. And I was reflecting with you like in voice notes the other day about how like, this year, I’ve really connected so much more with my feelings. And I do think breathwork is a massive part of that. So much other stuff I’ve done is a part of it. But there’s only so far, like, like therapy aged and all the talking and all that very, very important. But the connection with my body and like my felt sense is huge, is huge in this journey. Just to like, move on a little bit from that, because I know breathwork is your thing. And like you don’t just hold the space for other people that you practice what you preach. And that’s huge for you as well. But I, I would love to know a little bit more, because I just see you like on Instagram and I love like the rituals, like you’re literally encouraging me to like dry my old roses and save them and use it. And I just love all of this. I would love to know, the importance of like, rituals, connection to nature, connection to the moon cycles and the role that that plays in you connecting with yourself and holding space for your clients as well.
Kathy Bell 38:20
Yeah, absolutely. And such a special part of life. I think it’s just so delicious. Like the simple things I mean, that God you just made. I’m like now I just desperately to go out and buy some roses. I’m definitely a summer flower person as soon as it gets to winter. I’m like, what autumn? I’m like, Yeah, stop buying them and like why Yeah, I don’t know if it’s just a seasonal thing. So yeah. But
what I think it is just a really creating alters create, making things pretty has always been, you know, aesthetically pleasing to the eye has always been a joy of mine a way of expressing myself I think all humans whether they’re sensitive or not have creativity flowing through them. And creating altars, then beautiful things of flowers, you know, honouring nature. I mean, nature is a completely separate a different thing here but I tend to weave nature into that is just one of the most simplest and beautiful things that you can do. Not only with your time, but for yourself. Like I just think it’s just makes me feel good. You know, like, I mean, I have my little you can’t see it, but I have like a little setup and there’s a little setup behind me and just making those spaces do doesn’t make just makes me feel good. So various teachers of mine have, you know, been influential in like ultra settings and honouring nature, probably Rebecca Campbell the most but also got another mentor called Devere. Wild who’s also and then Madeline was very, very, very deep into, you know, honouring nature and herbs and herbal medicine and just the whole relationship to Earth. She just want to introduce me something called Earth’s pace. Like we’re always trying to move at such a pace, when actually we can attune to Earth’s pace. And just notice and reflect how slow nature moves, but everything’s still gets done. You know, like, how, how long it actually takes the leaves to or fall off the trees? Yeah, because you can go walking now and the beach, you know, the birch trees, you know, not the bird, the beech trees will be like, they were just shared leaves, or for what seems like all year, like, you know, there’s always those orange on the floor in the woods that I walk in. But, you know, people go, Oh, it’s autumn? Or that means all the leaves gonna fall off trees, or that means it’s winter? And do we ever truly slow down enough to notice, actually, like, day by day, week by week, the process of the seasons changing so slowly? Because that presents, I think that’s what it brings in actually just thinking about that the presence that that brings to your life. Because none of this is achievable. Like the work that I do the work that you do that you know, the work that you’re people listening to this, you know, podcast, parenting, none of it matters. If you’re not in the present, none of it works without being present with what what is. And so. And for somebody who has always been 10 steps ahead of the day that it is of the time that it is like I know, you’ll relate to this because we’re we’re similar in this way that we’re you know, we’re always like, what’s next? What do I do next? How do I get to deliver in the future in the future in the future, which is what creates anxiety. Living in the future is, you know, is what creates anxiety. It was one of the reasons that we feel anxiety is that we’re not in the present moment. So setting altars and being attuned to nature and having, like daily rituals is is a way of bringing us into the present moment. And when we’re in the present moment, then the spiritual aspect, that we’re actually a little not a little bit more attune to that sounds bad. But that, that we can maybe feel and bring in a little bit more easier. Because of the way that our circuitry as wired because of the way that our energetic being is just shows up, just shows up. And I know you have that your journaling practice and that’s probably one of your rituals. And I just wanted to say about journaling. Like, isn’t it interesting how journaling can be so beautiful? Because it almost for me, I know when I get into it, it almost feels like no the power takes over the pen. Yeah. And I start to channel. Like, it’s like, I will ask myself, I’d never thought of this before I get it was Madeline I think there was like write a letter to God. And she would use the word God but you know, write a letter to the universe and, and ask a question to the universe and then wait for the reply to come through. Yeah. And you’re like, at first you’re like, What the hell? Yeah. But then actually, you’re like, oh, yeah, there’s a, there’s a, there’s whether you set the intuition, whether you say it’s, you know, been just an energy channelling through you. There’s definitely a gateway that can be opened up with the universe or with your intuition. And yourself through pen and paper, which I just find Yeah,
Ruth Poundwhite 44:13
yeah, absolutely. That’s been my practice for a while now, this sort of travelling, journaling and blows my mind. Well, firstly, I can think I know what I’m going to write, I have a question. And I think I know what the answer is, you know, I have it in my head, I’m going to and then I start writing and something different comes out. And then the other thing and this really came up when you were talking about like the power of ritual and connecting with nature and noticing how slow nature is and stuff, I have an idea because I think I know what I’m gonna write that I won’t bother to do it in the first place. And it blows my mind how deep that conditioning runs, that this idea of everything I do has to be productive. And then I avoid doing the things that make me feel good. That actually can open me up to a different way of looking at things literally yesterday, my journal, what came out of my pen was I was just getting inspired. But for no reason, like the inspiration doesn’t have to lead to anything. It doesn’t have to give me any ideas. It’s just inspired inspiration for inspiration sake. And that’s kind of what we’re talking about. So yeah, it’s really, really interesting. And I just remind myself constantly how deep this conditioning runs of like, everything has to be productive, everything has to have a reason everything has to lead to something. And it’s like, no, I can do it just because I want to do it, I can do it out of curiosity, or whatever. So yeah, I love that answer. Thank you.
Kathy Bell 45:33
Ruth Poundwhite 45:34
I’m gonna have to wrap things up, because we could talk all day about this. But I’m just going to ask you, oh, in the because with all the guests, I asked you beforehand, like what you might want to talk about? And I asked all the guests for a question that you might ask me, or you might ask the audience, and I just, we haven’t really talked about this, but it’s so linked to what we were talking about earlier, especially with accepting your feelings as valid as a sensitive person. But Kathy’s question that you wrote on the phone was, what if you weren’t so hard on yourself? And I just wanted to share that before we finish. Maybe people can take that as a journaling prompt, or have a meditate on it, whatever you want to do. Well, if
Kathy Bell 46:14
I wasn’t so
Ruth Poundwhite 46:16
Kathy Bell 46:17
That’s a good question. Such a good question. Yeah.
Ruth Poundwhite 46:20
So one more question before we finish. This is from my random deck of conversation questions. When was the last time you cried and why?
Kathy Bell 46:32
So it’s so funny. I mean, I’m gonna get emotional about it now. But it’s ridiculous. So my daughter at the minute is away on a school trip. So they’re away for a week. And it’s so ridiculous that could literally could bawl my eyes out. This is the wave of emotion. And she loves, I don’t know if you’ve ever watched the programme saving lives at sea. She loves to see she’s a really strong swimmer. She swims all the time. And she loves, we love to watch as a family, there’s very few things we can watch as a family, because me and my husband like grownups, and she’s a bit scared. So there’s very few things we can watch. The saving lives at sea is one of those things, they’re volunteers, and we just have such admiration for how they risked their lives to save other people. Anyway, so she’s in, she’s on her school trip, and I look on the blog, I see that they’ve been through the RNI station in Whitby and Matt, a volunteer and one of the teachers, you know, tried all the kit, like the gear or the kit on. And yeah, just got this wave of emotion. Not I don’t mean sometimes she said, You know, I want to be a swimmer. And other times she says, I want to be an interior designer. And other times she says, If we live by the beach, I do that if we lived on a seaside in a seaside town, mummy, I would do that. So just that so well in my heart, that she’s been to an ROI station, and that she’s seen. It’s ridiculous. I’m crying now. But just the swell of my heart that she’s been given the opportunity. And like, I’m so grateful that the school have done that, though. It’s like, that was nice. I’m proud right now that tiny story about where I cried. How embarrassing.
Ruth Poundwhite 48:21
It’s, you’re being open and honest with your feelings.
Kathy Bell 48:26
I’m not. I’m not sorry. But yeah, just the joy and happiness in my heart that she’s had that experience. I just know that she will have just been inspired. You know, she’s, you know, she will have got to experience real life. Something that, you know, she’s only ever seen on TV. And I don’t know why that makes me emotional. But it makes me emotional. I just feel just like my heart is like, Oh, she’s had amazing. I must she will have had one at least one amazing memory that may have inspired her to do something amazing.
Ruth Poundwhite 49:04
Yeah, for sure. I get it like Oh, thank you so much. That was such a beautiful conversation. Thank you for coming on and sharing.
Kathy Bell 49:14
So welcome. Thank you for having me looked at.
Ruth Poundwhite 49:17
And if you want to find out more about Kathy and her work, you can find her on Instagram at Kathy doc Bell underscore or visit her website, Kathy bell.uk to find out about her offers and her group breathwork sessions. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of quietly ambitious. If you have a moment to rate and review know that it really does make a difference. And if you’d like to carry on the conversation, then you can connect with me on Instagram at Ruth Poundwhite Join me in the Facebook group or my personal favourite. Sign up to my newsletter letters to quietly ambitious humans. Just go to Ruth poundwhite.com forward slash newsletter to subscribe and keep doing doing what you’re doing because your work really does matter
Note: at this time transcripts are automated and unedited, which means errors may occur. But we hope you find them helpful!
When you subscribe to updates you get access to 3 bonus episodes of the podcast – exclusively for email subscribers – that dive behind the scenes of my business (I talk about failures, money, community & more!)
“I am the conscious custodian of my own energy. Nobody can take it from me. My energy is unlimited.”
Today I’m chatting with experienced breathwork facilitator, business mentor and published author Kathy Bell (she/her), all about listening to our inner voice, why that’s hard, and what it takes to get through the layers of gunk in the way.
Kathy’s love language is to hold loving, clear & expansive spaces for you to integrate your soul’s essence into your human reality – whilst supporting and encouraging you to step fully into the work that you came here to do. As a highly sensitive empath on her own journey, Kathy embraces spending time in nature, adventuring, wild water swimming and observing the cycles of Mother Earth, which we talk about in today’s episode.
In this episode, we talk about the work it takes to unlearn what we need to unlearn to really hold space for ourselves and our clients, the importance of tuning into the intelligence of the body (and how breathwork helps with that), and the importance of ritual and connecting with nature.
Some of the things we talked about:
- Why it’s hard to tune into your inner voice
- The work required to unlearn what we need to and to hold space for ourselves and our clients
- Why it’s so important to tune into the intelligence of the body (and how we can actually do that)
- Taking ownership of our energy and sensitivities
- The importance of ritual and connecting with nature
Links from the episode:
- Kathy’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kathy.bell_/
- Kathy’s website: https://www.kathybell.uk/
- Group breathwork sessions: https://www.kathybell.uk/groups
- People mentioned:
Other episodes you might like:
- Episode #114: Why Rest Is Key To Trusting Yourself
- Episode #118: Learning from the Wisdom of Your Chronic Illness with Alana Holloway
“The intelligence of the body is far greater than what we can achieve with our minds”
If you enjoyed the podcast and want to share on social media – thank you! Can you use the hashtag #QuietlyAmbitious so that we can continue the conversation on social media, and so that I can find you? I’d love to see what resonated with you after each episode!
And don’t forget to get the book if you haven’t already.
Where to Find the Podcast…
Thanks so much for listening!
When you subscribe to updates you get access to 3 bonus episodes of the podcast – exclusively for email subscribers – that dive behind the scenes of my business (I talk about failures, money, community & more!)